#89 The Art of Saying No
Saturday, November 12, 2022
Q: How do you make a small fortune with a social networking site?
A: You start with a big fortune
This and the upcoming editions of The Passion Pad are going to be quite short, just a summary of some major texts and topics. I am gonna be back full fledged (most probably with a small announcement) by around December 10th.
Saying NO to people is one of the most important skills that one can develop. It frees our time to pursue our own interests. No one will protect my time or prioritize my needs as vigilantly as me. Being assertive means having the self confidence to express your needs and wants. It involves telling people where you stand on a given topic and leaving no room for confusion. Being assertive is a good trait. An aggressive individual is loud and self absorbed whereas an assertive individual understands how to express his or her point of view with grace.
Reasons we struggle to say NO - •
We want to avoid offending people.
We want to avoid disappointing people.
We want to avoid seeming selfish.
We desire to help others.
We want others to like us
We want to appear valuable.
We fear missing out on opportunities.
We struggle with low self esteem.
We succumb to emotional bullying.
We're averse to conflict.
We develop the people pleasing habit.
Strategies for saying NO:
Be direct and straightforward.
Don't stall for time.
Replace NO with another word.
Take ownership of your decisions.
Resist the urge to offer excuses.
Ask the requestor to follow up later.
Offer an alternative.
Suggest another person who could help.
Avoid lying about your availability.
Be courteous
Helping people is a respectable thing to do, but helping people for the wrong reasons will only reinforce a bad habit that'll eventually cause you to feel bitter and resentful. To say NO with confidence and without guilt, it's vital to set emotional boundaries. One must avoid feeling responsible for others feelings and absolve oneself as the cause of negative reactions. Lastly, Saying NO doesn't make you a BAD PERSON. It's our years of upbringing which makes us think that replying NO will make us a bad student, colleague, child or employee. Remind yourself that people getting angry at your NO isn't your fault, it's their unfair expectations which are at fault. Stop being a people pleaser.
See you next Saturday, until then have a great weekend :)
Cheers!