#101 Seek change or learn to live with the pain.
02/11/23
Out of nowhere, like a thunderstorm on a rainy day, me and my roomies found ourselves going down the rabbit hole of nostalgia last night. We were showing each other pictures of our childhood, how innocent we grew up, how our ideas shaped us to be who we are today and how much we all have evolved. This led me to thinking about growing pains.
Growing pains are often described as an ache or throb in the legs — often in the front of the thighs, the calves or behind the knees. They most commonly occur in children from ages of 3 to 14 years. But there’s a better definition that I read last week. Growing pains happen when you have evolved internally while your external environment remains the same. You have moved far ahead in your mind, but the physical realities still remain the same.
Do you still carry the T-shirt that you bought years ago but you wore it numerous times so that it adjusted to the shape of your body and it felt super comfortable every time you wore it? Growing pains of adulthood feels exactly like that T-shirt. Wearing the T-shirt that no longer fits. You are a tad bigger now, the T-shirt obviously does not fit but you still move around wearing it no matter the pain and when you take that t-shirt off, the relief feels overwhelming. Eventually, you buy yourself a new t-shirt(seek change) or learn to live with the pain(stay where you are). This t-shirt can be a job, a relationship, a memory, a person or anything that no longer fits.
If you just take a moment to reflect upon it, growing pains mean a version of you is dying. You are shedding a version of yourself that you don’t fully align with. You are making space for a new YOU to come from within. Oftentimes I think it turns out to be a chaotic confusion and science has a role to play. The inertia of your old habits do not let you change your behavior but it becomes intrinsically painful to portray a part of you that is withering. And that is why I love moving to new places.
One of the best and the most powerful things about going somewhere new is that the environment does not expect anything of you. You get to shed your previous version without anybody asking: What happened to you? or saying You have changed! Being unknown to your past self, others only perceive you as the current version of yourself. This can be liberating as you can fully immerse yourself in the present moment without feeling pressured to conform to external expectations.
Growing pains occur because of lack of compatibility and not lack of love. Compatibility outgrows before love expires. You still love that old t-shirt or your childhood toys. But you are not compatible with them. Not anymore. You can still love friends you no longer have much in common with, you can still feel affection for a city you grew up in. They may not have an active role in your life but you still love them. It’s just that you are no longer a fit. It is natural to love things we’ve grown out of. But staying somewhere you no longer feel compatible with is prohibiting your natural growth from transpiring.
Simply put, if you are no longer compatible with where you are and your inner world no longer matches with your external environment - this is a sign of growing pains. It is vital to realize your growing pains, bow down to the version you are shedding and say thank you. Because every version of us gives us an important lesson.
Let me end with a question: When was the last time you changed your belief about something? How many times in the last one year have you completely changed your belief about something?
See you next Saturday, have a great weekend :)
Cheers!
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